by Marsha Ward
It's actually Thursday as I write this, but since I missed last week's post, I thought it prudent to do a better-late-than-never one this week.
I've had a hard time focusing the last couple of weeks. I went to an eye doctor, who told me my eye problems probably are not going to get any better. That's brought on some depression, which I'm trying to get rid of, but I recognize the signs, and it hasn't run its course yet. I did get a blessing on Sunday, which helped me feel better. I also made an appointment with my cardiologist, to see if the medicine I'm taking is causing my extreme dry eyes. It's not for a couple of weeks, though. I just have to hold on and use lots of eye drops . . . and exercise my faith that this isn't the end of being able to serve in the church.
I guess that's what it all comes down to. Not only is writing a book a struggle when I can't see clearly to edit and type, I'm pretty devastated at the thought that I might not be able to play the organ and piano in church. I play from music, not by ear or from memory. In my tiny branch, my gifts are important. I can't believe God would deny his other sons and daughters music to teach me some lesson or other. I'm sure there's some great eternal plan at work, but it's hard to see when I'm in the middle of it.
My problem isn't unique. We all have struggles in life, whether it's agonizing over a child who has gone off the path, or taking care of an elderly parent, or watching our bodies deteriorate with age. Sometimes it's overwhelming, though, and it is all we can do to take a deep breath before the next wave washes over us. That's how I feel just now.
I hope tomorrow will bring me a happier outlook and the assurance that my life as I know it isn't over.